Shmucks!! Bloody Scmucks!

Tea Bag Trays. Why do people have a porcelain tray in there kitchen to put used tea bags on? Walk over to the bin you lazy idiot, why would you even buy one or these…or if you were given one as a present surely you would say. “thanks iv been waiting for a piece of junk like this to show of my used tea bags in the kitchen for years”. This is almost as bad as the RETARDS who put tea bags in the sink, who does that?? I mean really.

Leaving the insides of toilet rolls in the toilet? They will need to go in the bin eventually and if you are the person who has put a new toilet roll in the loo, then why not take the bit of cardboard out of the toilet to the BIN!

** Unless you have children and are currently building Tracey Island as per Blue Peter instructions**

Returning videos (dvd’s for you kids). Please tell me it is only people in Australia with this problem about taking dvd’s back the next day? The amount of people who have told me “oh I don’t use them anymore, I ran up too many fines”
If you went to the dvd place the day before to pick up the dvd how hard is it to go there the next day and take it back, nobody seems to feel quite as passionately about this as me. ITS ASTOUNDING!

Finally I went to McDonalds, why do they call it Macca’s over here? Its not MACdonalds its Mcdonalds. And a spotty young snot squeals “sorry everyone we are out of buns, we only have Big Mac’s & Nuggets”.
1. Surely you would be out of burgers and buns, why would you not order enough buns for the burgers.
2. Im pretty sure a Big Mac comes in a bun
3. Im hungover, I don’t need this
4. With my McDonalds VIP card I want my free desert with each meal im about to order. She actually said “the till won’t let me do it” (Australian for computer says no).
5. As I left she told me. “did you know that in Brisbane, they do not use any mustard on their burgers” I would have been annoyed about this. But im a sucker for useless information like that.
6. As I walked away I realized, she could of rang the meals through separately…mean I could of got deserts with each meal. THE BITCH (but she had told me about the burgers in Brisbane so it wasn’t all bad)

My Movie (best cast ever)

I have the cast finalized for my movie, now i just need to start the script.
The cast is as follows:

Sylvester Stallone
Steven Segal
Jean Claude Van Damme
Patrick Swayze
Luis Guzman
Brian Dennehey
Christopher Lambert
kris kristofferson
Woody Harrelson
John C. Reilly
Will Ferrell

Im thinking they are a group of older men from say....a lawn bowls club, who in their spare time save a city from the "yoof of today". Combating such heinous crimes as.
* Gangs of hoodies loitering
* Happy Slapping
* Correcting their bad language (not swearing...things like "is it" & girls who say "shut up?" as a rhetorical question
* Sorting people OUT who wear white socks with trousers & shoes
* "Retiring" people who wear socks and sandals

This is still a work in progress but i bet you all can't wait to see this movie!

No need to say theses things but what the hey

1. Time liars.... people who are more than 20 minutes away & when you ring them and say.
"i'll be 5 mins". You know your not going to be 5 minutes so don't lie!

2. Crap football commentators! there seems to be more & more useless imbeciles at the moment. Always harping on about "that magical night in Barcelona" or "that amazing night in Istanbul". Yesterday i heard "that was in-between a yellow & red card wasn't it, like a orange card"....A ORANGE CARD? You prat! Give us some opinion or insight, not ridiculous comments or dumbing the game down to who's passing to whom.

3. Sayers's... No not the family of Leo Sayer, people who are "going to do - affix subject here -" people who incessantly say they are going to change something, travel somewhere, do something with someone even buy "that dvd"...if you have no intention of "going to do IT" please don't say you are.

4. Celebrity Magazine's... ban them, the amount of money made from these things is sickening. Stop buying them i.e. Fat porcupine haired cutted Australians & scum of the earth photographers don't make any money! They are full of steaming rat sh!t.

5. Mosquito's that bite my ankles, why are my ankles so delicious to these insects?

6. Parents who's children run riot, give them a smacked botty...yeah go on "give them something to cry about". No need to go Hubert Kilcoyne on their ass (old headmaster, who's catchphrase of - Stand Still While Im Shaking You Boy - ) only became funny when we'd left St Joesph's.

7. Speedo's!...Only for swimming competitivley PLEASE. Also what is the age you stop wearing Speedo's then start again? Im saying...stop at 11 start again at 57, i think thats acceptable??

I don't have much to complain about, but im trying OK!!!

Ham, Chicken, Ham, Chicken, Ham, Chicken, Ham, Chicken,

Time for a bit of a catch up i think. Mainly iv been drunk and full the last couple of weeks as you could imagine.

Firstly the parents got here on the 9th of Dec & Russ (the mute brother) arrived on the 20th. They've kept themselves busy watching our Foxtel (sky+) &....ummm you'll have to ask them what else they've been doing. As i said iv been drunk quite a bit.

I finished work on the 14th of Dec, as it ws our works do! THE BEST XMAS DO EVER.

Champagne brekkie at work.

In the Wharf Bar @ 11am.

Water Taxi to Darling harbour for food & drink.

Loss of memory around 11pm.

I go back to work on the 7th of Jan, but am going to work on Friday just to split it up a bit...also this gives me a day in lieu when i go back. This is probably the time when i miss friends back home the most as i know i would of been spending a lot of time with them. Sob Sob where's my violin!

I was in bed on Sunday after the Wainwright Clan were treated to dinner at Lia's in Surrey Hills, 10 drinks later i get woken up by Lia shouting. 

"The Chemist's a monkey, the chemist is a monkey.....She's really hairy....get her out get her out!!" as she is pushing me into the wall!?!? didn't have a clue, so i just went back to sleep.

Have been down the beach all day today with Russ, think he said 3 sentences! now he has a bit of sun-stroke (is feeling chilly) turns out he talks more when he's sun-stricken (is that a word).

Well this is a rubbish blog as i am not drunk at the minute, if im eating i never seem to get drunk, & i have been doing A LOT of eating.

MMmmmm nice

Brought a carrot cake yesterday, then when getting it through the front doors of our building, whilst struggling with surfboard & bag...which of the 3 did i drop?

NOOOOOOOOOOO! as i scooped it up (you could probably hear me in England, if you were awake)

I managed to scoop the icing back on and it wasn't as terrible as i first thought. David Beckham is in Sydney and the whole place is going mental. I was on a pontoon in the middle of Sydney Harbor setting up some adidas signs this morning...very weird!

Finally putting a pair of pants on straight out of the tumble dryer is possibly one of the best things ever.

Steak & Cheese

I had heard Rob Lewis & PC talking about Wagyu steak's but had never done anything about it, Ben also had eaten one right in front of me...the swine! i had already ordered fish & chips and not seen it on the menu.
Well all this changed yesterday when i had one of these lovely steaks, with a knob of garlic butter on top and fries that were even better than Burger King's "king fries"....i am not the biggest fan of chips but these were 10 out of 10. I could not speak during this plate of unembroiled excellence nor for the few minutes afterwards.

I was out with Lia watching her friends band "Three Quarters Hazel" they were really good, but unfortunately they were out-done by the meal i had eaten just before they took the stage....and i hate to say it but they were also out-done by the desert i was about to have.

"Max Brenner Chocolate Bar" no this isn't a bar of chocolate, its an actual Bar/Cafe devoted to chocolate. Two pieces of this chocolate (20x20cm) cost $9.50, there are vat's of melted chocolate in the corner with pump's coming out of them...it is literally like Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. As soon as i saw cheesecake on the menu, then menu was closed.

When the first forkful hit my mouth, i thought id died and gone to umpa lumpa heaven. The picture below does not do it justice (think i was shaking from sheer pleasure): Served with HOT chocolate sauce and strawberry's this thing was Devinne! I have quite a sweet tooth and i had would not be able to eat a whole one of these in one sitting, it was just too decedent.



Apparently the specialized chocolate cafe/bar is not a new thing here. But it was new to me & i will definitely be visiting again.

Yoof of Today

So im on the ferry back to Manly on Sunday. Getting the ferry between 10am - 1pm is tourist torture! (maybe i can't talk as im technically on a tourist visa, but i live in Manly so that negates it) surrounded by babies...this maybe nice for the older generation who like to try and rip babies cheeks off and say awwww as they hover over prams like an older version of Angelica Houston in "The Witches" Jesus thats a scary film! No im not joking i DO NOT like that film.

Back to the point

So im taking Lia over to mine for a bit of R&R as she'd passed out at work the day before and had spent the arvo (that’s what they call the afternoon over here) in hospital...another long story.
We are sat by the door to the bit where you can go out on the side of the ship, you'd never guess i have 3 members of my family in the Navy with a description like that would ya. These "fluro kids"...you know the sort, florescent vest, probably wears skinny jeans & has sunglasses on that you used to get free from McDonalds...there talking about the little island forte (looks like a prison) as we passed it, we were lucky enough to overhear this gem of a conversation:

Fluro 1: Is that the prison where they used to hang people?
Fluro 2: -with real conviction- No that’s the one in America...Azkaban!
Fluro 1: Oh ok

Pause

Me: Excuse me...firstly i think you confusing Azkaban with Alcatraz & secondly your confusing Harry Potter with real life! now beat it you pesky scoundrels before you give me something else to get annoyed about.

Ok maybe i just said this to Lia and we both pee'd out pants, so much so the rest of the people on the ferry thought we were sinking in a yellow tidal wave (again im exacerbating) but seriously this did happen & it makes me want to squash these fools into mulch as a lesson to the rest of the Yoof of Today.